Polyga-Me

So I had a dream the other night where I was married to 3 women! I don’t know if married is right, I didn’t get the impression I was Mormon, but harem wasn’t the feel either… anyway, 3 women all in the same house, each with separate skill set they brought to the household. One was kind of sporty tom-boy, one a homemaker type, and the other a career woman. One to maintain the outside, one to keep everything in order on the inside and one to make bank! It was a good dream!! And there was a signup sheet on the fridge indicating who preferred my company each night. Career woman had first dibs on weekends, as her work schedule kept her out of town a lot and even when in town, was exhausted. Each got my affection and attention more or less equally and nobody complained. Date night might see some or all of us going out on the town but rarely comingling in the bedrooms. Like I said, a good dream.

Then I woke up and starting thinking about this, and I am pretty sure there is not a chance in the world it would work. While the thought of being shared among 3 women may seem appealing, the demands would likely be overwhelming, especially if they competed for my time. Multiple “honey-do” lists would surely develop, and there would be no way I would get a bathroom or garage space. And most of the date on the calender were empty, does that mean I sleep on the couch? I suppose arrangement could be made for all the unique want and needs, TV, food, temperature… more space for sure. Maybe start up something like the “My Ol’ Ladies and me” commune. That doesn’t have the right ring. Oh well, maybe I will return to the dream and get to work out all the details.

Dam the NPR for getting into my dreams... or was it the preview of United States of Tara?

Incidental porn

No surprise, I like porn. My current favorite is... well, I won’t go into that right now. But my second favorite is what I like to call incidental porn. Maybe accidental might be another adjective. It might not really be porn…

Porn: Noun; creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire. (http://www.dictionary.net/porn)

OK, it IS by definition. Let’s see about the other word.

Incidental \In`ci*den"tal\, a. Happening, as an occasional event, without regularity; coming without design; casual; accidental; hence, not of prime concern; subordinate; collateral…

Good, got that right, too. So put them together and we get “a happening or event without regularity or design of no value other than to stimulate sexual desire”. Yep, that’s it, though “…sexual desire” might be a strong phrase, it could just be left at “…to stimulate”.

So what am I referring to? Well, not the emails from Victoria’s Secret (too regular) or from friends (with design). More accidental, like scrolling down dealnews.com and coming across a bra and/or panty sale. Or in the real world when a gust of wind reveals a little more skin than planned. A wardrobe malfunction uncovers a colorful bra strap, a decorative décolletage or racy panties. You say, “OK, we know you are observant and a perve, so what?”

The next variant is more mental. Have you ever come across something titillating, it says in your head and you mull it over, research it maybe? A really hot car never before seen on the road advanced plans for the next generation of solar heat/pv panels, plug-in hybrids, geothermal… something that sparks something when you don’t expect it? Maybe some food or beer that exceeded expectations by so much you start dreaming about what you can do with it, when you can have it again… The smile from a stranger, a thank you from a pretty girl and sleeping, eating, playing, being pushed in a stroller babies (by mom who’s swollen breasts that defy laws and cant be contained anymore J) all can create another happy, make me smile, incidental porn moment.

Bad Dreams

Growing up I had 2 reoccurring nightmares. They would invariably wake me up before I found out where it was going, maybe a good thing, as the first was of falling. It was completely white with large floating boulders that I was falling past. Some were course, like lava rock and black and others where as smooth as ball bearings, maybe even shiny. There seemed to be a pattern, like the rocks would start small and rough and get larger and smoother, or something like that. Nothing threatening about this dream except the unsettling feeling of falling.

The other dream had me running though the woods. As background, growing up in Upton, WY, a very small town, I have memories of walking to and from the babysitters, though miles of dense forest. I moved away when I was 5 so I am sure that that wasn't the case, and when I look at a map, it was a large triangular city block between home and the sitters. I probably only walked it once, hand in hand with my little sister, though the tall pine trees, but is seems like more. Anyway, the sitters had TV!! A big color console, if I remember that right, and I got to eat my Kraft mac&cheese on a TV tray in the living room (while little sister had to eat in the highchair/booster seat in the kitchen, haha!). That was so cool!

Back to the dream, running though those same woods and wondering why I am running away from the 6-million dollar man?! The bionic sound pierced the quite of the woods spurring me on. Why was I running from the good guy? Then he turned into Bigfoot! WTF?! Where did this come from? That is when I was startled awake. Years later I was told there was an episode where Steve Austin does battle with Sasquatch. Whew, it wasn't drug induces.

Another nightmare I had that overlapped these, but didn't walk me up as much as keep me awake. I feared "The Bomb" and dying a virgin. I would lie in bed think up elaborate plans to get myself deflowered if I ever learned the missiles where coming. Not very practical plans, especially being isolated in the country, I just hoped it happened when I was still at school. Then I moved to Korea. I suspected that despite being in a city of millions of people and going to school with some real sluts, that if it came to the nuclear option, I wouldn't have time, mere minutes, to fulfill my dream. Luckily the fall of the Berlin Wall came just in time. The thawing up the Cold War may of may not have had any effect on my virginity, but both passed into the footnotes of history, thankfully! After that, I could sleep without worry.

Employee Spot light

The other day I got an email wanting me to fill out this form for the company newsletter or something. First pass through I was annoyed by the distraction, I had real work to do, then then I warmed up to it and had a little fun. This is what I submitted...

Employee Spotlight: 100 word description, Quote about working for the company, 5-7 personality questions

R. Clint Wedel, GISP, Geospatial Project Manager, is trained in all aspects of geospatial extraction. He spent 12 years with the Wilson & Company, and after a two year leave working in the GIS field, he returned to oversee geospatial extraction and GIS efforts at Wilson & Company’s Lawrence, Kansas office.

He became an [Geospatial Project(s) Manager] to... more effectively convey my professional knowledge, skills and attitude to others (and work in Lawrence... oh well)

He is currently working towards (professional goal) or would like to grow in to a roll of... Utility infielder, relief pitcher, pinch hitter, slot receiver, deep threat, return man, 12^th man, 6^th man... use my many skills to do whatever it take to get the job done as efficiently as possible.

He holds a bachelor’s degree in environmental science and geography from the University of Kansas.

Outside the office, He spends time… works on my 120 year old house, brews beer and roots for the Jayhawks.

What is your favorite part about working at Wilson & Company? (i.e. the office environment, the projects, the people, etc. This will be represented as a quote on the website)I enjoy the relaxed atmosphere, the varied jobs/tasks, and the respect of my co-workers.

(Choose 5-7 to briefly answer)

· Where did you grow up? Conceived in the Philippines, born in Chicago, lived in Upton WY from 1-5, moved to Lawrence where I have lived since, except for my junior year in Seoul, South Korea and that crazy mistake in WYCO… not sure if I have grown up, just grown old.

· · Favorite book? Authors, F. Paul Wilson, John Sandford, Harlan Coben, and Carl Hiaasen. Guilty pleasure, Clive Cussler.

· · Favorite sports team? Jayhawks, of course.

· Last meal would be? 69 course meal serving all my “favorites” shared with all my friends that takes 6 days, and on the 7^th day…

· If you weren’t an [Mapper/GISer], you would be a… engineer, first major was Aero, but discovered for the first time in my academics that I had to work, which took me a couple years to figure out… still sometime wish I had become one.

· Goal you’re working towards right now? Retire before I die. J Financial independence. Open a brewery.

· Favorite restaurant? I’m not good with “favorites” as that is kind of an absolute and my tastes change almost as fast as I change my underwear (ExOfficio boxer briefs, are my favorite, the best underwear ever!!). Favorite kind of food is Mexican, and the last Mexican meal(s) that really impressed me where the Diablo Fish Tacos at Tortas Jalisco and the 3 combo tacos at Esquina.

· Favorite quote? My current favs… SOWISA “Strap On Whenever It Seems Appropriate” (S.King), “I brew the beer I drink” and "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." –Benjamin Franklin

· Favorite project you worked on? ---BLANK---

· Music you’re currently listening to? The love ballads of Meatloaf made me cry so I have given up on music to concentrate on Audiobooks. Recently enjoyed “The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific” and the 2 sequels, “Getting Stoned with Savages: A Trip Through the Islands of Fiji and Vanuatu” and “Lost on Planet China: The Strange and True Story of One Man's Attempt to Understand the World's Most Mystifying Nation, or How He Became Comfortable Eating Live Squid” I am currently working my way through the Mitch Rapp series by Vince Flynn.

· Favorite website? LOL, a bit open ended… of those I enjoy beyond email, weather, and shopping sites, Http://www.ecogeek.org/, http://www.wortomatic.com/, http://lawrencebrewers.org tho more because I have to than because I want to, I have responsibilities…and my HOME page…http://www.700ohio.com/

·

they also wanted a picture, so I dug though the archives and found a couple and sent them in... here are a couple they wont be using.

I suppose they will just use my ID card photo. :(

Memory of Running

"The best book you will never read" said Stephen King, (now in print) and I agree. Very good story, and well read! But I have my own memories. You wouldn't know it to look at me now, but I used to really enjoy running. Now I cant run across the street with out paying the price, but as a kid I ran hundreds of miles. My grade school started a fitness program when I was in 5th grade. Mandatory participation had us run/walking to the curve and back, about half a mile. This is where I started, with the girls, of course. I was quite popular with ladies, I was told that they all had crushes on me... I could play 4 square or Curious George with the best of them. (Or maybe I was the only non-redneck going to the small country school.) I would play tackle-the-man-with-the-football before school with the boys (until I got knocked out), then would cross the gender line and play tether-ball. I did the minimum run, while some of the jock types would go on 5 mile runs, so I could get the most out of my recess. Oh, yes, this was taken out of our recess time! Fun, fun fun!!

At some point I guess I got bored, and started running more. I rarely went on the big runs with the jocks, just down the road, follow the levee, and back, and again. There was a down and back on the gravel that was mile lap, I wasn't fast, but would run back and forth all hour plus of the recess. I could get in up to 5 miles a day, 3 to 5 times a week. We would post our mileage and the teachers would add up and post our weekly/ monthly/ year to date totals. My name started low on the wall, but slowly climbed up the list as I spent more time on the road. I dont think I was ever the top runner, even the second year, but I do remember the long hours of me time.

I ran a little cross country, but like I said, I wasn't fast, and while I finished, I didn't compete for any ribbons and it wasn't all that fun, maybe because I wasn't ever along. I the routes were more scenic than miles of the same gravel road, but I just didn't get into it.

Now days I see runners and smile. Not just at the girls in their sports bras, but at my memories and wishing I could get back on the road.

There was Blood

I am not the biggest risk taker, but have crazy stunts on my resume. Mostly unintentional. First time I got called Evil Knievel I was 3 or 4. We lived in Upton, WY, a small town a long way from no where. I had gotten my first trike, and it was a little too big for me, I couldn't reach the pedals. But I could sit on it and get around, coast or push with my feet. I learned that I couldn't go very far in the grass, so I was staying on the sidewalk, which slowly started to slope down hill. I accelerated, feet held up, tightly gripping the handlebar, right down the cement stairs, across the sidewalk and into the ditch! My parents came running, drawn by my bawling, I suppose, to find me crawling up those same stairs, pools of blood collecting on each step. I think the trike survived, and I lived to ride another day.

Not the first time I bled from my head in Upton. The Trombone incident... the vicious coffee table...

But the best scar I have from my years in Upton is on my foot. Riding in the baby seat on the back of my mom's bike... this is back in the day before they were made of a single molded piece of plastic... with padded cardboard leg panels... one of which had been stolen from the bike rack at the high school where my dad taught. Anyway, we headed down the long hill towards downtown, and despite being told to be careful, I clamp my legs together to hold on, unfortunately the action put the back of my foot into the razor sharp spokes which pealed off the back of my shoe and cleaved my left heal off! Ouch!! Another 90 minute race to the hospital. (I wonder how we paid for all my trips there?) Ask to see the scar, it is probably what kept me from being a professional athlete or ...

I dont need pants

http://theoatmeal.com/blog/utilikilt

So, I like my kilt. It is fun to get fresh air on boys. It isnt nearly as pleasant as skinny dipping in tropical waters, ohhh, that feels awesome! But there is a downside, chaffing. Walk around for 8 hours at a warm tailgate and the testicle/thigh interface can get a little worked. A touch of baby powder helps, but then I have to worry about an unsightly white sweat streak running down my leg. Yeah, I have experience with that, 100 degree birthday party and a sarong... how embarrassing! My fancy Exofficio would work wonders, but that would be wrong. According to a survey of kilted Scotsmen, 69% go commando... my favorite number!! So I am in good company, but there is room for negotiation, I guess, if it gets too bad.

Then there is the cold. Shrinkage helps with the chaffing, as does dryness. I was asked how I stay warm, to which I answer, "I put on socks." That got me a look and the comment, "how does that stay on?" I meant on my feet, and pulling the kilt hose up my legs, to stay warm! ( I guess the flip-flops were confusing)

So if you see a guy in a kilt, turn the frown upside-down and enjoy the moment with the wearer, he is!

Ginga

I like ginger! I like red-heads, too, but this isn't about them. Ginger root. One of my favorite parts to a good sushi dinner is the pickled ginger. I try to steal the uneaten ginger off others plates. I like it at the beginning of the meal, in between pieces as a little palate cleanser, and of course, for desert. I love a spicy garlic ginger sauce, i had it once fairly recently, and was caught off guard by how much ginger there was. and the left overs had half the building coming over to see what crazy thing i was eating today. Oh, yeah, Thai House. (Pad Ped Beef : Tender beef stir-fried with a grounded red curry paste, Thai ginger, bamboo slices, peppers, onion and basil leaves) yum!

But lately is has been a beverage kick. It started with a trip to the islands (Key West) when I (re)discovered the Dark 'n Stormy. A lovely concoction of Gosling's Black Seal Rum, Ginger Beer and a lime wedge. This bar had a 1/2 price special when ever it was raining. Anyway, Gosling's also makes a Ginger Beer, and by beer, I don't mean alcoholic, just a bit more (flavor, bite, sugar...) than your typical Ginger Ale. It was pretty good, but left me wanting more. So I have been chasing down the more-better ginger beverage ever since.

Beer, as you may know, I am a homebrewer, so I tried to make my own ginger Beer. First attempt, not nearly enough ginger added late into the boil of a Hefeweizen. Nice beer with hints of ginger, but not what I was going for. Next attempt, I pulled out all the stops and added GINGER. Fresh sliced ginger root added 2 ounces every 15 minutes throughout the boil of a pretty Red Ale (a ginger-ginger beer). This is when I learned that the longer you boil ginger the less spicy it is... so another let down. Not to be deterred, I sliced up half a pealed ginger root and added it straight into the keg, ha, I say, take that! And several days later this beer elicited a smile from this curmudgeon. It continued to gingify for about a month, then stabilized as a tasty Ginger Beer. Not good enough for a Dark 'n Stormy, but pretty good.

A keg of homemade ginger ale was brought to Pints for Pets, and it was good! I think he said that 5 pounds of ginger was diced up and stewed in sugar water to extract the ginger. the leftover ginger was dried and became ginger candy. But, alas, that keg went home, and all I got was a 2-liter bottle to keep. And I covet the stuff... I will have some more again tonight...

But I struggle to find a commercial beverage to meet my desires. I researched "best ginger beer" on the internet, learning which had sugar, corn syrup, honey and other ingredients, the went looking for them. I tried all I could find, including the different versions of Reed's the Merc had, tried an off brand from Target, even picked up a promising six-pack from TJ Maxx, any ginger that I saw. A bar that didn't have ginger ale tried to make some with bitters and cola and soda, or something, not really even close. Then the day my life changed, I saw a brightly colored 2-liter bottle of Goya brand ginger beer, and it was good! But where to find it?! The Mexican grocer in OP did not have it (but did have Malto Goya, another quest). I thought I was going to have to order some online, but the season was fading. Dark 'n Stormy's are best when it is warm, nice refreshing cold drink, but not hot, a bit too sweet, so as the summer turns to fall, my beverage palate is turning. But then I walk into Checkers and look at the latin section, really for the Malto, but find a case of Goya Jamaican Style Ginger Beer in 12 oz bottles! Unsure if this was really what I thought it was, I just bought 2 bottles and hurried home to sample. So I have to come up with a new name for what I drank, Dark 'n Stormy is registered by Gosling's and since I was out of that brand I have been substituting Kraken, as similar colored spiced rum that is quite a nice little rum. I like the theme of the giant sea monster and tropical storms, but I will save that effort for another day. Any ideas? So, I pour my measured jigger of rum over ice the popped the top of the Goya. I like to take a sip before mixing, just to see what I have, a little drink followed by half a minute coughing fit! WOW! My smile was getting in the way of my cough, so I poured my drink and ambled into the living room. My throat was tingling from the ginger so I took a careful sip of my drink and bliss. yes, that is perfect, followed by more coughs. As I drank my second one, there was a little sizzle on my lips, maybe from the smile, maybe from the ginger.

Last night I picked up a bottle of Gosling's, and made another drink with my second precious bottle, just to make sure. This time no coughing, just a wonderful drink! One I can highly recommend to any ginger lover's out there. Now I have to hurry over to Checkers and get more, before they take it away from me!

Hurray for Ginger!!